Just about every parent in existence is an expert in placing their fears upon their children without ever realizing they are doing it. For example: A parent is obsessed with their child’s grades because of their own (usually subconscious) fear of failure. They push them to do well in school while coming from a place of fear which puts a lot of pressure on the child. “It’s a tough world out there so if you want to succeed you need to work hard now so you can have the things you want later.” A child doesn’t worry about their future the same way adults do. They live more in the present until they learn fear from their parents and other out side influences. A parent convinces them self they are only trying to do for what’s best when they’re really just pushing their child away. Sometimes pushing seems to work when really, the child is just trying to please the parent with good grades so they can earn their love or keep them off their back. This “pushing” often leads to resentment which diminishes communication. When a parent comes from fear they “push” and when they come from love they “encourage”. Which do you do?
When coming from love, a parent would encourage their children to do their best and help them see the value in that. Ask your child what they want to create in their life and help guide them to see what it will take to get there. “What do you think you want to do when you get older?” “What do think it will take to get there?” Help them fill in the blanks and guide from a space of love. If you find yourself reacting to their responses, consider you’re just attached and not coming from love.