Positive thinking is an important subject for many, even a way of life. It can be used to inspire (shift feelings when things aren’t going well) or conspire (having others feel they need to be careful about what they say or get labeled negative). Positive thinking often gets used as a shield to defend against the “negative”. It’s like duct tape; a temporary fix but it doesn’t resolve the problem. I’m not against positive thinking, it can be useful in some circumstances, but it definitely has limits.
Putting a positive twist on something can help you get through a challenging moment. Like if someone talking about your favorite team says, “They stink this year” then you say something like, “Well, they may not be as good as last year but they seem to be improving as least.” A positive comment wouldn’t be needed if you could just be with what was said. Without countering the comment with a positive statement you may have felt the need to defend your team by getting into an argument. If you need to say (or even think) something positive, it’s because reality is unacceptable. In this case, it becomes your defense for not getting angry. It may seem helpful, but the real issue, anger, never gets addressed since the “positive thinking” covered it up. In a way, replacing a negative thought with a positive thought guarantees the underlining issue never gets addressed.
People tend not to work on an area unless they see a benefit in doing so. “The squeaky wheel get’s the oil.” Defenses, like positive thinking, are made to hide the “squeak” so you can’t pinpoint a problem so nothing changes. Defenses work better on yourself than on others, that’s why it’s easier to see things in others than in yourself. Hiring a coach can help you identify and work on areas instead of covering them up. Working on the source will free up attachments and the need for positive thinking will diminish. You won’t have as many “buttons” that can get pushed, which leads to less need for defenses. Said another way, when you get right with yourself you won’t feel threatened and have the need to be defensive and life gets better just the way it is.
