In most relationships, blaming another for the way you feel is all too common. We all have our own thought system, a type of filter we see the world through, which determines how we experience life. Most thought systems have a way of pointing the finger of blame at others, especially loved ones. When you get angry there is always a reason to justify the anger. It really occurs like something made you feel that way.
Your feelings don’t create thoughts, your thoughts create feelings. No one makes you upset. It’s your thoughts about what happened that makes you upset. We never get upset at a fact; we only get upset because of our interpretation. How you think determines your interpretation which is really nothing more than a story you make up about what happened. The problem is, we forget we made it up and it’s not the truth, then we want to be right about it.
No one can make you angry any more than they can make you happy, it’s always a choice. What is good or right to you can be bad or wrong to another. Everything in of itself is neutral until we add meaning to it. If a suicide bomber blows up a bus and kills 25 people, almost everyone would say that’s horrible, sad, wrong etc. You might even get angry about it like something happened to you. Somewhere in the world, others are rejoicing and happy because their thought system interprets what happened as a good thing. The suicide bombers family and town look upon him or her as a hero. Here is what you don’t want to see; if you lived in that town there is a good chance you would be rejoicing along with them.
The majority of people have a thought system based upon the beliefs of those around them. How you think is heavily influenced by the family, political, religious, cultural, educational and moral beliefs of those close to you. You may not even question your beliefs since it’s just easier to accept the status quo. Many of us are raised not to question certain beliefs so we blindly convince ourselves to accept them.
When you blame a person for anything, you become their victim and resentment will follow. Waiting for someone to change, so you can feel better, leaves you feeling helpless because it’s all out of your control. Almost everyone spends a good portion of their life trying to control circumstances or what others do or say. Sometimes this “control” seems to work, but it never lasts. The only things we have control over in life are our thoughts. How we think really is the problem, but that also means it’s the solution so there is hope. It takes work to change how we think but it only requires willingness to start.
Life happens; our body, finances etc. are affected by outside influences and it “is what it is”, neutral. We have freedom to choose our thoughts about what happened. Being responsible for those thoughts means not being a victim to anyone or anything. When this happens, your experience of life will change for the better.
Not dealing with life’s struggles is what keeps them in place. “If you want to change something in your life, you’re going to have to change something in your life.” Albert Einstein once said, “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” If you are ready for a change, the solution is to work on yourself. Finding a partner to work with is crucial. Wanting to go to work doesn’t mean you know how. Everyone needs help at different points in life. Whether it’s just getting a kick start in the right direction or something long term I may be able to help. Call me at 757-932-0246 for a free 20 to 30 minute consultation to see if we are right for each other.
