When something happens that we don’t like or agree with it’s easy to think, “There is something wrong”. When this happens we end up trying to fix, change or manipulate someone or something. Others usually become defensive which makes things even worse. I want you to consider, there actually isn’t anything wrong, just something that doesn’t work. Instead of trying to figure what’s wrong, come from “work-ability”. If things don’t work, the focus should be on adding work-ability instead of forcing or manipulating a change. In a work situation, you could try putting the ball into the other’s court. Asking for help gives another the chance to own what’s going on which can be empowering instead of you making them wrong. For example, “When ….. happened, there are consequences which moves us away from what we are committed to and that needs to stop because it just doesn’t work. What do you recommend so this doesn’t happen again?” Then wait and listen. Making this situation more workable by empowering another instead of diminishing them becomes the focus. There doesn’t have to be finger pointing which leads people to get defensive.
Coming from “work-ability” instead of “something is wrong” can dramatically change all areas of life. “Something’s wrong” involves judgment, which of course means coming from the past. This feels bad because there is a part of you which knows you are judging and separating instead of joining and working together. No one wants to see themselves as judgmental so we usually don’t. We decide there is something wrong and it’s someone else’s fault which blinds us to our judgement. This ends up making things worse so you tell yourself, “At least it’s not my fault”. If you want things to move toward what you want, coming from the past will not work, especially in relationships. Getting clear on what you want instead of fixing what you don’t want will help clear a path of work-ability. You will feel better because you will no longer be judging and separating from others. You will now be coming from a commitment of joining which feels, and works much better. It takes a healthy dose of honesty and humility to see how much we come from judgment. It also, almost always, takes another to help you see it.
Feeling better, by not judging “something’s wrong”, can be a strong motivating factor for practicing work-ability. You’ll become more responsible in your own life because you won’t be waiting, hoping or forcing another person or a situation to change. You will begin to trust yourself more and more which feels empowering. Now you gain your power back instead of feeling like a victim. Life will still come at you but “so what” can become your new attitude as you experience yourself dealing with things more and more powerfully. A coach helps to build a new attitude toward life and gives you the tools to do something about it. Your job involves the willingness to practice using the tools.
