Athletic coaches train athletes to think and do things a certain way so their bodies perform how they need to when the time is right. Athletes think first then react, but with enough practice the actions come automatically. Tiger Woods doesn’t need to think of every step of his back swing as he is doing it because of all the practice. If he starts hitting bad shots he will try to make adjustments and then talk with his swing coach once the round is over.

As a relationship coach I work in a similar fashion. I help people look at the different aspects of their relationships and coach them how to create what they really want. Getting clear on what you are committed to is essential. If you’re not clear on what you want, you will have no direction and will randomly react when something happens giving you random results. How you think determines the actions you take. If your thinking isn’t consistent, your actions won’t be consistent which usually doesn’t work out so well in relationships. It takes willingness and a little courage to be honest about what you want. It also takes a different way of thinking to create different results, which is a process requiring practice and guidance.

Hiring a coach is about taking charge of your life by getting the tools and guidance needed to take things to the next level, without excuses. Life is all about relationships. We have a relationship to our; children, co-workers, spouse, work, parents, friends etc. The most important relationship is the one you have to yourself. How you relate to yourself affects every relationship and defines your experience of life. There is nothing more futile than trying to fix or change other people or circumstances, yet we all try to anyway. Because it feels desperate to wait and hope for someone or something to change, we end up feeling like a victim. When life gets too uncomfortable we feel out of control so many turn to idols (like too much work, TV, sex, pills, alcohol etc.) to avoid dealing with life or, we use force and manipulation to control people and circumstances. Of course this only makes things worse.

Getting upset or anger is a popular defense we use, to get our way, when we feel victimized. It says, “Look at my face and hear my pain. You did this to me! It’s your fault that I look and sound this way.” When we feel powerless we project our guilt onto others in hopes they change so we don’t have to. Using upset and anger are things we learned as children and never gave up because we never learned a better way. There are betters ways to deal with life and they all begin with willingness. Being willing to change yourself is the only requirement needed to start living a more fulfilled life. Reading books can be helpful but nothing beats getting on the playing field of life with a partner to give you the feedback needed to move forward quickly.