The word “marriage” evokes many different ideas and thoughts. Marriages around the world can represent vastly different things to different people. Age, race, religion, finances, cultural background etc. all plays a part in how marriage is viewed. Although all of this can make for an interesting conversation the only thing that really matters is what it means to you and your spouse.

My experience tells me the majority of couples have very little idea what their spouse really expects from the marriage. Many aren’t even aware of what their own expectations are. Most assume their partner knows or should know what they want and need. You know what they say about “assume”. It’s difficult not to enter into a marriage with at least some expectations but when they are not communicated trouble always ensues.

As a Relationship Coach, I’ve encountered a variety of people with a variety of challenges in their marriage. No matter how different the challenges may seem, most come up with a similar solution. They try to fix, change, or control their partner and then become frustrated with themselves thinking it is their partners fault, needless to say that the partner becomes frustrated as well. Most of you reading this already realize there is very little in life more hopeless than waiting for another person or a situation to change. It leaves you a victim and life becomes more and more challenging.

Part of what I do as a coach is to help my client see what roles they have taken on, then help to create what they really want from the relationship while keeping the focus on themselves instead of their partner. The only thing we really have control over are our thoughts. The world and our partners can do all kinds of things to our body, finances, loved ones, and much more, but nothing can control what we think. How you think determines your entire experience of the relationship.

All the things you try to fix, change or control may seem to work for a while but it never lasts because you’re only treating the symptom instead of the cause. Until you focus on the cause, life seems to keep throwing problems your way and before you know it life becomes about surviving and handling stuff. No matter how small or large the problem, if you are unable to resolve it, getting help might be a good idea.