It’s not other people or circumstances that cause you discomfort or loss of peace. We give away our power and blame others for taking it. Giving credit to others for your happiness means you will also blame them for your unhappiness. Either way you are at the mercy of someone else. Obviously this won’t work well in the long run but we do it anyway.

When you get upset, try to identify the source of the upset. Did you blame someone or something outside of yourself? Of course the answer will be yes. If you correctly identify the source of the upset within yourself, you have the power to do something about it. If you think the upset was caused by someone else or a circumstance, you give your power away, are left a victim, and can only hope that person or circumstance will change. You feel upset because you are left a helpless victim causing fear which then occurs as an upset. Think about it, no one gets upset at a fact. Something happens then we judge it good or bad, right or wrong, fair or unfair and then we react to our interpretation, all the while forgetting it’s not the truth. Learning to see all upsets as something internal, not external, is the beginning of healing.

Seeing yourself as the source of your happiness and upsets brings the power to do something about it back to you. In any relationship, it’s not fair to rely on another for your happiness because it isn’t possible. At best, you can make it easier for someone to choose happiness in the moment, by making their circumstances more favorable, but they still must choose it. To be happy in life always begins with choice. Most people are way too willing to bring their own baggage into a relationship and make the other responsible for it. Learning to be responsible for your own stuff will change your life and offer a sense of freedom to you and those around you. What could be more loving and kind than that?

A coach works with you to develop new practices that support you with what’s important. What could be more important than the relationships in your life?