“In order to judge anything rightly, one would have to be fully aware of an inconceivably wide range of things; past, present and to come. One would have to recognize in advance all the effects of his judgments on everyone and everything involved in them in any way. And one would have to be certain there is no distortion in his perception, so that his judgment would be wholly fair to everyone on whom it rests now and in the future. Who is in a position to do this? Who except in grandiose fantasies would claim this for himself?” (A Course in Miracles)

Becoming aware of one’s filters (judgments) is crucial for creating the relationships you want. In general, you don’t even realize when you’re judging , you believe you’re dealing with facts. A coach helps bring these filters to light so you can better deal with facts instead of the stories you made up. Once you create a filter for someone, it becomes a type of lens in which you see them through. This lens distorts how you see them. To be human is to judge, but until you become aware of your filters you’ll simple go on judging with no real awareness of what you’re doing. All of your relationships have these filters which determine how you experience each person. The most impactful filter is the one you created about yourself, because it impacts all your other filters.

You always seek, and then you find what you are looking for. Looking through the eyes of love, my favorite filter, would allow you to see a call for help instead of perceiving being attacked. A father’s “baby girl” could throw up on him and he’d likely just laugh because he was looking through a filter of love. A minute later that same man may yell at his wife for looking at him the wrong way because he had a different filter for her. You can look to condemn by judging, or look to accept by being loving.